news from mumbai.....

The beauty of life is that it has wonderful ways of packaging things up. Its like a karan johar screenplay, happy scenes are coupled with sad ones; scenic europe is mixed with rustic chandni chowk; techno is jamned with bhangra. In short, things are such a hybrid shade of grey, that you dont think of them as black and white anymore. Black and white dont matter anymore. Its grey. Either take it or leave it.

Over the past few weeks i have been analysing this grey cocktail that life has served me. It has a splash of vodka thats too bitter for my taste, it has a sweety orange i always yearned for. Infact i always wanted this orange over the sour grape juice that i was offered. Or rather i should say i could choose between. I wonder whether i want the orange to be replaced. I wonder whether i would have the option to order the grape after i am done with this drink. I could run out of money. The bar could close. On the other hand, the grape might taste better after the orange. Who knows, i might not even want the damn drink. Who knows, i might get a better drink.

Whatever, the vodka is here to stay.

Of a perfectly worded piece

Plagiarised by Dhruv Sud from "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas"

Nothing else could have summed Aug 2002- March 2006 better

Has it been five years? Six? It seems like a lifetime, the kind of peak that never comes again. Hyderabad in the early-mid 2000's was a very special time and place to be a part of. But no explanation, no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you were there and alive in that corner of time and the world. Whatever it meant.

And that, I think, was the handle - -that sense of inevitable victory over the forces of Old and Evil. Not in any mean or military sense; we didn't need that. Our energy would simply prevail.

We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave. So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Secunderabad and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark - that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back

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Of "No present yet. I thought it was coming at 4."

People ask me why I don’t post often. It’s a good question. Some of them wonder whether I am suffering from a “writer’s block”. It’s an even better question. Very unfortunately, the reason why I don’t post often is not of a psycho-physiological disorder like “atromania”, that I just made up, but because of the simple fact that I am not much of a writer anyway. No Sir, I ain't. I ain't a person of limited thoughts – I have a lot of them, but they are so ephemeral that before I can click open “New Document”, three of them have passed away like those teen-driven cars with blaringly loud music. (the ones that go dooksh-dooksh-dooksh).


Let's flashback to where we left. An odd July Sunday when I sat down to write something. Scribbled something. Naah. I just didn’t have anything to write about.

[Zoom through window into the exterior. Change camera. Long shot. Zooming out. ]
Imagine shadows lengthening, dates changing on a calendar. Good Morning September.(gee..that rhymed !!) I consider sitting down to write something. Think about if for a few moments. Naah. I did have a little to write about but any of it was neither interesting nor well...actually...int..interesting.



• Imagine some more shadows lengthening, more days fleeing. On comes October, by now I had changed a bit, the thinking of all things was more structured. There were jokes to crack, anecdotes to share, traditions to talk about. And I did have a lot to write about. But somehow I didn’t.
P.S.1: I realized that I would be doing my summer at ABN Amro, Hong Kong.
P.S.2: I also realized that you are high on an achievement for a time less than 300 minutes. At t+5 hrs, normal life re-begins.

• November 2006. There is a lot more to write about and one can see visible changes. The thinking is more structured. The thoughts clearer. The way foggy. I have got a lot more to write about now. But no time. I postpone it for another day.
P.S. I catch a trip back home for my brother’s engagement. Or wait, was it in October.

• December 2006. I get busier. Life revolves between the auditorium (I did a full-length play) and the lecture halls. I realize that I have started thinking in bullets. I don’t care enough to correct it.

• January 2007. The carnival has ended. Life calms down. Fewer things to do. Subhash Chandra Patel says “Everything in life comes at a cost” (the actual words were spoken in Gujurati). The cost of doing a play at IIM Calcutta is a 0.50 drop in GPA and a couple of C+ grades).
P.S. It is true. The applause stays with you forever. The moment is bliss.

•Febraury 2007. 20 days into it.
• In another 18 days I would be done with one-half of my MBA. With reasonable confidence, I can say that academically I should be able to complete my degree requirements by 2008. Subhash Chandra Tata says “Life is like an airplane. Only at hindsight does one realize that it has taken off." I am not sure how long will it take before I run out of fuel, but for the moment, the wheels are off the ground.
• My brother gets married in exactly 20 days from today. Even writing about it brings a smile to my face. Subhash Chandra Bharjatya says “Dhik tana, dhik tana, dhik tana..”
• I would be celebrating my 23rd birthday in 41 days from now. The last time I was home on my birthday was the year Brazil won the World-cup. Even writing about it makes me feel old. Subhash Chandra Gupta says “Cough Cough”.
• I leave for Hong Kong (assuming no visa hassles) in 50 days. From the look of things, it would be gruesome. Subhash Chandra Mathers III says “One shot, you can’t miss your chance to blow. Cuz opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo.”
P.S. I miss her.

Of the man who forgot too often !!!!

It’s around 1:30 in the afternoon. I am listening to “The Coffeehouse” station on Yahoo Music, and “The Verve Pipes” seem to be making some really cool music in their song “The Freshmen”. The weird thing though is that though I am enjoying the music; I haven’t actually been listening to a single word of what is being sung. In fact, when the song stops playing, I probably won’t even be able to hum out the tune for you. If 20 seconds after the song has ended, you were to come over to me, grab me by my shoulders, shake me as if I was a pepper-shaker and say “10 million dollars if you can sing one line of the song, 10 million dollars !!”; the blank stare on my face would be worse than the one my 6 year old nephew gives me, when I tell him that I have made it to IIM-C.

I am guilty of that. And I have been guilty of such similar absent-mindedness all my life. My mom went crazy counting the number of water bottles I lost in primary school. My dad used to wonder if I was doing drugs, when I told him that I had forgotten my bag and my shoes in the school bus. One of my cousins laughed so hard, (he burst his appendix) when he came to know that I had “accidentally” gifted my “Samurai Video Game” to the local raddiwallah. Since that day, they have kept the desktop chained at my place.

Another place where my memory sucks big time is when it comes to faces. The only reason why I subscribe to “the matrix theory” is because most faces on the Sarojini Nagar street look the same to me. All of them seem to be a part of the same damned code. If you gave me close-up photographs of Diana Hayden and Lara Dutta , I won’t be able to spot the difference. Infact, when Anil Kapoor appeared clean-shaven in the first half of the movie “Lamhe”, I was the one who screamed aloud – “Oodi Baba!! Yeh kaunsa hero hai!!”. Till the day I was in Class Xth, (and my Geography teacher corrected my history), everytime I was given an Adolf Hitler’s pic, I used to exclaim – “Dekho mamma!! Charlie Chaplin!!!!”

On the other hand, give me a movie to watch and I would repeat it to you scene-by-scene; with the entire special effects sequences in place as well. I must have watched millions of them on all kinds of media. Right from the ones that I watched on a VCR, on tapes rented from the cassette-wallah for Rs. 8 per movie( and used to begin with that odd-rainbow kind of display, BTW I still have no clue what it was for..); to the ones I watched on DD-Metro Afternoon specials; (where Rajesh Khanna used to die every third day and Feroz Khan used to ride a black horse every second fortnight); to the “American History X’s” and “Pieces of April” ‘s that I copied from the DC++ server at IIIT; both my movie journey and my movie memory has been amazing. Just to prove a point here, I can tell you that back in the late 1980’s Aamir Khan acted in the movie “Deewana Mujh sa nahin” playing a photographer in love with an actress. Or that Mithun Chakraborthy, along with Monkey Pandey acted in a movie “Ladai” (again late 1980’s). Or that Thomas Cruise Mapother IV has indeed come a long way from the lonely wanderings of his youth.(whatever that means !!)

Moral of the story: If someone reading this blog ever found my lunch-box, my water bottle, my bag, my shoes(sic!) or a working Samurai Video game – you know who to thank; send a cheque along. Your lifelong benefactor is really short of money now.

Of an old story...Retold

12 April 2006 1930 hrs

The day has been memorable so far. IIM final results are out and though Ahmedabad, Bangalore and Kozhikode kicked me; Calcutta, Lucknow and Indore went the other way. IIM-Calcutta it is then ;)
Frankly, there isn't too much of a euphoria- just a feeling of relief. Relief - that I won't have to ask back for the CAT material that I have already lent to my juniors. Relief - that I won't have to join my campus recruiters. Relief - that all those Sundays that I spent at those TIME test centers finally paid back. Relief - that I managed to swim. When either that or "to sink" were the only two options available. Whew...it's been a long year.

Exactly seven years ago, I started as a hero. I was the high-school stud. Popular, Confident, sky-rocketing with energy. Shit happened. Another year later, I was sucked out of everything that I was proud of - the girl I loved, the "friends" I had, each and every ounce of energy that I possessed. Completely and totally shattered.

Of the zillion zillion things I learnt six years ago. I value what I learnt about "the human spirit" the most. It is breathtakingly amazing. Of the million things that it can surprise you with, it is its ability to yearn for survival that is the most intriguing. At moments, it wants to soar. At others, it just wants to adapt and survive - till the point it can soar again. For four years, I tried to survive. To undo my past mistakes. To reach a position where I could make that bid again. That was my sole aim. Adapt, Survive - Conquer Later. Live another day, fight another night.

And then I made that last bid. I owed it to every SOB who believed in me when I didn't. I owed it to the stupid boy who just wanted to dream - BIG. I owed it to this unflappable soul that just wanted to survive. Every effort, every sacrifice, every damn thing I ever wanted. I owed them a last decent shot.
Whew...it has been a long year.


"Two little mice fell in a bucket of cream. The first mouse quickly gave up and drowned. The second mouse, wouldn't quit. He struggled so hard that eventually he churned that cream into butter and crawled out."
- Frank Abagnale Sr. - Catch Me If You Can (2002)

As of this moment, I am the second mouse. -

Of the Tag Tug

Seven (+ Twelve) Things I want to do in my life:
1. Own a Dog ( Not the stupid poodle, but a real huge manly dog. Say, a German Shephard )
2. Learn Rock Climbing
3. Try Bungee Jumping DONE (Macau, June 3 2007)
4. Join a club that does Para-sailing/Para Gliding
5. Learn how to play the guitar ( i.e. be able to play more than the ting ting ting of “The Godfather”)
6. Learn to play Bridge
7. Learn Horse Riding (Yee-hooo)
8. Write a book
9. Save enough to bear its publishing cost :D
10. Finish a book in one sitting flat DONE (The Notebook, June 23 2007)
11. Learn Taekwando/ Martial Arts
12. Visit Gruensey (France)
13. Learn a foreign language (better be French)
14. Continue graphology from where I left it
15. Be in Mumbai on a Ganesh Chaturthi/Janmashtmi
16. Visit Sicily, Rome
17. See an opera
18. See a Champions League Final
19. Act in a full-length play DONE (Noises Off, January 5 2007)

Seven things I say the most
1. Oye
2. Sahi Baat hai
3. Chot (You are not really a IIITian if u don’t use this word. Refer Shaggy’s blog for usage.)
4. Abe yaar !!
5. Woh toh hai
6. Bolo Bolo…Tell Tell
7. Hawabazi (Noun. The act or state of boasting without being good enough to do so. Eg. PK hai to gadha par hawabazi ultimate hai)

Seven things I can do
1. Continuously flip-flop between decisions
2. Make jokes no one laughs at or gets
3. Cook “ande-ki-bhuji”.
4. Brush me own teeth
5. Shave
6. Take a bath
7. Day-dream

Seven things I can’t do
1. Be sure about everything that I say or do
2. Make jokes that evoke hearty laughters
3. Understand how someone can spoil something as simple as “ande-ki-bhuji”
4. Let someone else brush my teeth, while I watch him like doofus
5. Let someone else shave me, while I watch him like doofus
6. Let someone else bathe me, while I watch him like doofus
7. Not Day Dream

Seven things that attract me to the opposite sex
1. Looks
2. Doesn’t go on blabbering like a jerk
3. Doesn’t carry a baggage of attitude
4. Loves to read (esp Catch-22)
5. Loves to eat out.( not at ‘Embassy Restaurant’but at Punjab Sweet Corner)
6. Laughs…ok ok…Forces a smile at my jokes
7. Can explain to me why Kajol married Ajay Devgun (sorry guys, couldn’t think of anything else)

Seven Celebrity Crushes
1. Twinkle Khanna (Yup, I am the one who founded the “I hate Akshay Kumar” club)
2. Jennifer Aniston (Also, the co-founder of “I hate Brad Pitt” club. Since their breakup rechristened “I don’t hate Brad Pitt anymore”)
3. Demi Moore
4. Ashley Judd
5. Alizee
6. Rani Mukherjee
7. Raveena Tandon (Boy, Akshay Kumar and I really got a lot in common. Don’t we?)

Seven People I tag
1. Raveena Tandon
2. Rani Mukherjee
3. Ashley Judd
4. Alizee
5. Demi Moore
6. Jennifer Aniston
7. Twinkle Khanna

P.S. I think it would be a lot more interesting if any of these people talk about something. Atleast I would be more interested in knowing about their likes & dislikes than Babloo, Pinky and Gajodhar’s.

Of films and sounding filmy

Ok, so this might sound a bit filmy. But, here it goes.
I will have to take you back to the late 1980's for this. Mostly because I haven't seen the early 1980's myself (or the years prior to them).
So, we are talking about that time of the last century, when streets were empty on sunday mornings because B.R. Chopra’s "Mahabharata" was being aired on Doordarshan. When, Mr. Sharma had to climb the stairs to terrace every fortnight to re-orient the "aerial". When, Rajiv Gandhi was in the middle of his Prime Ministerial tenure. Tendulkar hadn't arrived yet. Mithun Chakarborthy was a rage, Tezaab was a bigger rage, and "ek do teen" was a craze (it was the anthem of the decade).
I must have been in Ist standard then. Bubbly, animated, bouncing off people and things with a constant smile painted across my face. I can go on staging the setting for hours, but I guess you already got the picture.
It was during this period that we were introduced to music at school. It must have been the first class. I guess it have been the first class for the music teacher as well. She could have started with the desi “sa re ga ma”, but she probably thought of doing something different. She lined us all up, and poor thing just asked if anyone of us would like to sing.

Now, when you are 5 you have the feeling that you are the best. You are the king of everything. If you ask a bunch of 5 year olds how many of them can paint, all of them would raise a hand. Ask the same question to a 100 graduate students and you would be lucky to get 5 volunteers*. But I wasn’t a graduate student then. I was 5. The king of everything. My right hand was stretched out in a moment of that question being asked. I stepped forward, turned around to face the class and in the meantime finalized the song in my head. You guessed it right. In 1989, any song by a 5 year old had to be “ek do teen”.

Ek do teen chaar paanch …… HAHAHAHAHA

Sadly I had just reached “paanch” when the whole class burst out laughing. Embarrassed and red-faced, tears rolled down my eyes. The teacher sshd everyone and consoled me and then consoled herself. Her experiment had totally failed. Within minutes we had begun our musical journey with “Sa Re Ga Ma”, “Sa Sa Re Re” and “Sa Re Ga, Re Ga Ma “
But that’s not what this story is about. It’s about the afternoon after school. I went back home, ate and recited my day dutifully to my mom with special emphasis to the musical misadventure part. I told her that I would never be singing “ek do teen” again. She looked at me and told me something that I would never forget.

She told me that all my life I would be facing the same predicament. I could either step forward and make an effort to do something, or I could stay rooted and poke fun at anyone who would. It was for me to decide. The tone of her voice told the child-me that she considered the first one to be better than the second, although it looked a raw deal to me back then. Poking fun was so much easier. Being poked at wasn’t.

I had forgotten about that incident, when something in the mess-hall today reminded me of it. CAT is what the mess hall talks about during all the meals nowadays. Especially, in the pockets where the final year students dine. With CAT a week away, people who have never prepared for CAT, who never had the courage to take that step forward, question those who did.
“Do you think you would make it to IIMs? I mean they are the toughest institute in the world to get into.”.

Sad. Some of us just don’t ever step forward.


* Apologies abhinav, for plagiarism :)